In the interests of promoting harmony in future budding friendships and the like, I feel the need to spell this out.
If you are one of the reasons I have to spell this out, I don’t like your chances on fostering a friendship with me, or anything else with me for that matter. But I still feel the need to cover these bases.
I am pretty laid-back and flexible on making new friends and meeting new guys and what-have-you. My dance card is WAY empty. It’s cool. But I do have a few bright lines. This is important so, if you care, listen up.
Number one need: ***COMMUNICATION***
I need you to talk to me! I need you to tell me what’s going on when it affects me! If we need to “talk later,” I need you to tell me when that will happen, and then follow through, and if you can’t follow through then get a hold of me to reschedule and then follow through on that!
If I’m fucking up on something, tell me! Try being nice about it. If it’s all you, you can say so, but don’t say it’s all you when it’s me too. Nor blame me when it’s actually you. Sometimes it really is one or the other.
I cannot STAND being left in limbo. It is my BIGGEST PET PEEVE, and from men in particular. It’s not your fault. I was put through this by two different emotionally destructive former partners and it did a number on me and I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN. I will NUKE YOUR ASS FROM ORBIT JUST TO BE SURE. We will be DONE.
Related to this, your relationship status is not a state fucking secret. If you’re with someone, let me know. That helps me because falling for someone usually isn’t an instantaneous process and if I know there are boundaries, I know to steer clear of them. So if you have a platonic best female friend and you wonder why I’m distant, it’s because I caught your emotional vibe with her and misinterpreted it… and that’s your fault! Speak up. It is the considerate thing to do. And while you’re at it, better expect me to ask her for confirmation after you tell me, ’cause I fucking will. Better safe than sorry.
Number two need, and this is more for potential dates/partners/whatever. OPENNESS
I am not interested in truncated situations or closed doors. I want to be able to follow the trail wherever it leads. If something has the potential to happen, let it happen! If you have THAT MANY reservations about where things could go with me, we have no business doing anything. You are just wasting my time when I could be spending it with someone who IS interested. Don’t do that to me. That is shit behavior and no one deserves it. I’ve already wasted nearly half my life on someone who didn’t deserve my time. If I even think you are dicking me around, you’re getting nuked. I’m fucking done.
[[edit] I don’t mean polyamory. I mean openness for what’s possible between you and me. If you’re that fucking bored, there’s the door. I tried sharing, it doesn’t work for me, and so I do not share now. On the bright side, you won’t have to share either. Yay!]
Number three need: LOYALTY
I don’t mean never end our friendship or never break up with me. If you are unhappy or I’m mistreating you, by all means get out. Please. I’m not in this to ruin people’s lives. What I mean is:
friendship: If someone’s slagging me, speak up for me. Don’t just stand by letting them slag me.
relationship: If you’re in a relationship with me, you’re in it WITH ME. Your exes are exes. You’re done. If you have kids with one and you need to interact with her to deal with family stuff that is fine, but you need to think about what it looks like if you’re running off to meet her alone. If you don’t have kids with her at all, you’re done. Be done. You need to think about how you’d feel if the situation were reversed. Would you want me trotting off to have dinner with my ex-husband? Never gonna happen, but if it did. How would you feel? Or if it were my daughter’s father? No. Pick a fucking side.
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I mean, if you can’t handle these three simple things, I don’t know what to tell you.
Similarly, don’t expect these three things from me when you won’t give them to me. I’m not your personal fucking doormat.
Good talk. Glad we could sort that out. Moving along now.