I don’t know why I am bothering, but there’s a section on my social media page (see menu) where I address prospective/actual employers who like to google their new employees for the purposes of thoughtcrime policing (doubleplusungood!) or what the fuck ever. I realized there was an important point I had left out: it’s paragraph two in that section. (If you need telt, it’s the first section.) Amazes me how hypersensitive some employers are about social-media shenanigans in employees who wear badges with only their first name on them and who therefore are highly unlikely to be googled by Random Customer. Well, we all know that’s not really what it is. It’s just an excuse. I know a strong desire for conformity is endemic in social animals, and Homo sapiens sapiens is definitely such a critter. But we’ve really warped it out of any practical or positive use whatsoever. I mean, wanting a woman dead for knowing what a woman is. That’s what it is. You can pretty it up all you like in social-injustice language and at the end of the day you’re still a fucking murderer.
(Think about it. If a woman can’t get a job and doesn’t have a man because knowing what a woman is gets her branded a “bigot,” that means no money, which means no food and no shelter. What happens when a human being goes without food and is exposed to the elements for long enough? Right. Just because the death doesn’t immediately happen doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible if your choices pushed her into that situation. You might not have all the blame, but you do own a lot of it. Wanna tell me again about how “terfs want trans women [sic] dead”? The accusation is always a confession with these sorts. I want you to stop pretending to be something you’re not. You want me to starve and to go into heat stroke or hypothermia, if I’m not outright murdered by some homeless-hating lunatic. HUGE difference.)
“Dana, aren’t you being just a bit unhinged and dramatic?”
Live it and then tell me that again. Oh wait, you won’t. Yeah, if I could have lived with myself, I’d have been a spineless ass-kisser too. It’s so much easier.
But maybe I’m being a little dramatic. The reason I allow for you not owning all the blame is that in a lot of ways I’m my own worst enemy. I am reasonably certain I have both autism and ADHD, and the latter particularly is giving me fits. So I am at war with myself and desperately trying to win, because I could work for myself. Am laying the groundwork for that to happen, in fact; it’s just taken me too long to get going because I keep getting caught in Ooh Shiny hell. I’d be in good shape right now otherwise. I get it. I own that.
But obviously, having a job would be faster in terms of obtaining adequate necessary resources. So that’s what’s got me frustrated. In the end I think I’d be happier being my own boss because — see what I said about possible autism — I am exhausted trying to figure people out, and I am fed the fuck up with being excessively punished for trivial cases of not quite seeing eye-to-eye. Certainly, misogyny figures into it somewhere too; I see men applauded for much worse behavior than I’ve ever been guilty of. So not having my whole life enslaved to the whims of one person or a handful of people who don’t even like me much but need the help would be really nice. When you are your own boss, you’re really the employee of lots and lots of people rather than one company or a handful of managers and supervisors. So if a few of them decide you’re an asshole and drop away, it doesn’t hurt as much. You can carry on with whatever income-generating activity you’re performing, tweaking elements as necessary. It is a lot of work, but it’s also a lot of freedom.
But it’s getting there that’s the trouble. So yeah, I’m going to be really frustrated when I get ghosted or rejected. Anyone who can’t understand that was never going to be in my corner in the first place. And at this stage of my life, I have no patience left for fake people. Like, why would you even waste your time in proximity with people you can’t stand in the first place? That’s pathetic. The time you have allotted for your lifespan is precious. Go do something that actually won’t make you look like a gigantic asshole.
This was supposed to be a brief update and wound up being a soapbox. Well, that’s just me, I guess. Not likely to change anytime soon. ‘Later.